It’s a work of art!

I am a cartoonist. Sometimes, people call me an artist. I maintain that I am not an artist. But I realized that’s probably not such a good idea, so today I began my sculpting career. That is not a formless pile of cardboard. It is a priceless work of art, the beginning of my artistic career. Look at it in amazement, please.

Okay, no. That is actually a pile of boxes containing my new book, Real Bears Eat Takeout.

It’s out now. Buy it. Here. The cover is very shiny. And the inside, while less shiny, is very funny. I would know, because I wrote it.

If you don’t want to buy it, you could instead be in awe of my sculpture and offer me five million dollars for it. That would make this a bestseller or something.

Now you can order your very own Gord-Eatos…maybe.

As you may have seen in one of my recent entries (and “recent” would mean in the past month or two), I have secured photographic proof that Gord-Eatos exist, somewhere in the world. However, they are extremely hard to locate, since they’re probably all hidden away in the top-secret Gord-Eatos factory, which is up in the mountains of–wait…that would be giving away the location, right?

Um, right. If you’re still reading this, I was about to tell you about a new way you can order Gord-Eatos for yourself. They’ve launched their own website! At gordeatos.com, you can read a little about Gord-Eatos, find information on their numerous  flavors (they counted; 729 different flavors of Gord-Eatos have been relased so far), and even try to order some Gord-Eatos for yourself!

I say try because Carl visits the site several times a day to check for new flavors. If there is a new one, Carl snatches up the entire stock most of the time. If you’re able to order Gord-Eatos, it’s most likely because Carl was either out of money or his parents decided he’d had enough time on the computer for one day.

Again, in case you somehow missed the numerous links I shoved into the last two paragraphs, you can reach gordeatos.com using this link.

Free new Carl and Ben…and Beeky related ebook

So there’s now a free ebook available for download on my website. It’s a collection of doodles and sketches from Carl’s own school notebooks, with some added notes from an unnamed narrator. It’s free to download the first 25 pages, and soon the next part will be released, also free to download.

So, here’s a picture that appears in Carl’s Notebook.

This appears to be a guy dressed like a bagpipe player, although he’s playing an accordion. You’ll have to download the ebook to find out more about this picture, where you’ll also find a bunch of other funny drawings and stories.

I guess they do exist after all…

On Friday, I went to a school to give a presentation about Carl and Ben…and Beeky. I even brought along some props, at the suggestion of my publisher. There was a jetnest, Benbucks, hamburgers, the Car-L, but no Gord-Eatos. That’s right, we couldn’t find Carl’s favorite brand of chips.

So on the way to the school to give the presentation, I stopped by a grocery store, and went to the snacks aisle. There, on the shelf, was one last bag of Gord-Eatos. Carl had not purchased that bag yet.

So I bought it, and used it for a visual aid. And a kid came and asked me if he could have it. But I kept it, so I’ll show it to you here.

That’s right, this is an actual bag of sauerkraut flavored Gord-Eatos. I haven’t eaten it yet, because I am not sure chips flavored with sauerkraut would taste that good.

If you would like a bag of Gord-Eatos, feel free to tell me. I might send you a bag. (Note: the key word is “might.” Translated, it means I probably won’t send you a bag, since Carl will likely have eaten them all.)

So That’s What a Potato Gun Does

I was at a party for a friend of my parents on Saturday. At length, an old lady who was apparently one of the relatives came up and shoved two plastic guns in my hand. One was a dart gun, the other a potato gun, both apparently from the dollar store. My brother took a quick glance at them and snatched the dart gun.

Two days later, the potato gun is still in the car. Finally, a rotten potato was found, and my brother shot me with a piece of potato. That’s what it does. Before that, I thought potato guns fired whole potatoes.

Erm, yeah, I did think that. But that was when I was probably eight, and I haven’t thought about potato guns much since.

Apparently, potato guns are powered by air pressure. Taking the included spring out of the gun increases the air that can be stored in the gun, which subsequently increases the pressure, which makes the gun fire rotting potato pellets even farther and harder. This will probably result in my being smacked in the back of the head by countless pieces of potato.

Good thing it doesn’t fire whole potatoes.

Another colored strip

Here’s another colored strip that will appear in my next book. It’s part of a series where Ben creates a line of trading cards based off of Carl’s Isle of Monsters story from the first book. He plans to get rich by not making one card, but the government forced him to print the last card. This is the result of that, as Ben attempts to get some more money out of it.

I had to resize it so that it fits in this small space. Click it for a larger version.

Vocabulary lesson

This entry is a continuation of the last entry, with content generated by my brother, who is currently sitting next to me screaming “TYPE! TYPE! TYPE! TYPE!” Today I will post a couple words he made up and give definitions.

Indikrak [in-di-krak] noun.

-noun

1. A kernel of corn that remains un-popped after being run through a microwave and/or popcorn popper.

My brother made this word up when he was three, while eating popcorn. Afterward, he apparently began shooting indikraks out of a straw at me. I do not remember that. The word is now widely used in the vocabulary of approximately eighty-seven million people worldwide. And studies show that made up numbers are just as accurate as accurate ones.

Addacadapadasad [add-a-cad-a-pad-a-sad] (give or take a few d’s) noun.

A generic chemical or sometimes tool used occasionally in The Three Stooges. My brother did not make up the word, but he made up that spelling.

So, that’s it for this entry of random stuff that my brother made up. The next post I put on here should, hopefully, be something on a different topic.