I am a cartoonist. Sometimes, people call me an artist. I maintain that I am not an artist. But I realized that’s probably not such a good idea, so today I began my sculpting career. That is not a formless pile of cardboard. It is a priceless work of art, the beginning of my artistic career. Look at it in amazement, please.

Okay, no. That is actually a pile of boxes containing my new book, Real Bears Eat Takeout.

It’s out now. Buy it. Here. The cover is very shiny. And the inside, while less shiny, is very funny. I would know, because I wrote it.

If you don’t want to buy it, you could instead be in awe of my sculpture and offer me five million dollars for it. That would make this a bestseller or something.

Um, right. If you’re still reading this, I was about to tell you about a new way you can order Gord-Eatos for yourself. They’ve launched their own website! At gordeatos.com, you can read a little about Gord-Eatos, find information on their numerous  flavors (they counted; 729 different flavors of Gord-Eatos have been relased so far), and even try to order some Gord-Eatos for yourself!

I say try because Carl visits the site several times a day to check for new flavors. If there is a new one, Carl snatches up the entire stock most of the time. If you’re able to order Gord-Eatos, it’s most likely because Carl was either out of money or his parents decided he’d had enough time on the computer for one day.

Again, in case you somehow missed the numerous links I shoved into the last two paragraphs, you can reach gordeatos.com using this link.

So, here’s a picture that appears in Carl’s Notebook.

This appears to be a guy dressed like a bagpipe player, although he’s playing an accordion. You’ll have to download the ebook to find out more about this picture, where you’ll also find a bunch of other funny drawings and stories.

So on the way to the school to give the presentation, I stopped by a grocery store, and went to the snacks aisle. There, on the shelf, was one last bag of Gord-Eatos. Carl had not purchased that bag yet.

So I bought it, and used it for a visual aid. And a kid came and asked me if he could have it. But I kept it, so I’ll show it to you here.

That’s right, this is an actual bag of sauerkraut flavored Gord-Eatos. I haven’t eaten it yet, because I am not sure chips flavored with sauerkraut would taste that good.

If you would like a bag of Gord-Eatos, feel free to tell me. I might send you a bag. (Note: the key word is “might.” Translated, it means I probably won’t send you a bag, since Carl will likely have eaten them all.)

Two days later, the potato gun is still in the car. Finally, a rotten potato was found, and my brother shot me with a piece of potato. That’s what it does. Before that, I thought potato guns fired whole potatoes.

Erm, yeah, I did think that. But that was when I was probably eight, and I haven’t thought about potato guns much since.

Apparently, potato guns are powered by air pressure. Taking the included spring out of the gun increases the air that can be stored in the gun, which subsequently increases the pressure, which makes the gun fire rotting potato pellets even farther and harder. This will probably result in my being smacked in the back of the head by countless pieces of potato.

Good thing it doesn’t fire whole potatoes.

I had to resize it so that it fits in this small space. Click it for a larger version.

Indikrak [in-di-krak] noun.

-noun

1. A kernel of corn that remains un-popped after being run through a microwave and/or popcorn popper.

My brother made this word up when he was three, while eating popcorn. Afterward, he apparently began shooting indikraks out of a straw at me. I do not remember that. The word is now widely used in the vocabulary of approximately eighty-seven million people worldwide. And studies show that made up numbers are just as accurate as accurate ones.

Addacadapadasad [add-a-cad-a-pad-a-sad] (give or take a few d’s) noun.

A generic chemical or sometimes tool used occasionally in The Three Stooges. My brother did not make up the word, but he made up that spelling.

So, that’s it for this entry of random stuff that my brother made up. The next post I put on here should, hopefully, be something on a different topic.

Chickens with afros are ugly.

Ugly chickens don’t taste as good.

Clean your nose often to prevent whistling.

Well, I updated my blog. Now I’m going to draw some comics. (Hint: It’s about Carl in a furniture store.)

It’s hideous at times.

For example, one song that’s played fairly often is done with accordions. And everyone knows accordions sound bad. That’s the soundtrack for numerous levels in the game.

Also, there’s the problem of disco music, which is played when you pick certain things up.

Then there’s the organ music.

So it’s a good game. Not as much can be said for the music. Very annoying. So if you don’t like music in a game, then just mute it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

This strip will appear in my next book, in black and white and with that copyright thing removed. I just colored it and added that for this version.